Condolence message suggestions and etiquette

Please feel free to read through and use any of our suggestions for condolence messages. it is important to get it right and convey your compassion and love.

1. Browse through the options below that fit the type of loss.

2. Copy and paste any of our ideas [or a combination depending on the type of loss] into your own document.

3. Add names, your own personalization, perhaps some memories, and your own words.

4. Spell check! It is imperative that you spell check on your end.

5. Enter the final text into the Condolence Card shopping cart form option “Add Your Personal Message to go inside Condolence Card” at checkout.

ALL CONDOLENCE MESSAGES SHOULD …

Be personal: I was so honored to have Jack as my friend and cannot imagine how my life would’ve turned out if we hadn’t met in 5th grade.

Be specific: Jack was the best third baseman and buddy we ever had and he will be missed.

Say the Loved One’s name: Jack Jack Jack… Don’t use euphemisms like your husband. Use their name at least once.

Tell a positive memory or association: I loved our heart-to-heart chats and how he could say so much while saying so little.

Offer a real presence of compassion or comfort - if appropriate- then follow up!: I will check on you and the kids and I am happy to take them to school [or run errands] when you’re ready. Do not say “Call me if you need anything…” Call or text them- show up - drop off food - start a food train - run errands. Grief takes a long time sometimes.

Article about a university study done on condolence card messages. Calderwood, K. A., & Alberton, A. M. (2024). Consoling the Bereaved: Exploring How Sympathy Cards Influence What People Say. OMEGA - Journal of Death and Dying, 88(4), 1572-1590.

Like Wilkum and MacGeorge’s (2010) conclusion, we recommend that card givers, and people attempting to console bereaved people with words, consider the religiosity of the bereaved person and err on the side of being less religious if the bereaved person’s religiosity is unknown. Further, this study provides further evidence that person-centeredness, as described by Burleson (2010), should be considered, striving for high person-centeredness including care, presence, love, and sharing in the bereaved person’s sorrow. Low person-centeredness, such as advice-giving, should be avoided. Moreover, the type and circumstances of the death should be considered, as statements that may be suited in the context of an elderly person who lived a full life and died of natural causes may not be suited to the death of a young person or a particularly unexpected or tragic death. Even within type of death, it is important to recognize that each individual and circumstance is unique and hence each bereaved person will grieve in their own way. Since our interview findings and much of the literature on insensitive things people say in the context of bereavement are limited to the experience of bereaved parents primarily in North America, we recommend further research for other types of deaths and contexts.